Your ideal self and why you should find her

Surely, all of us have had moments of jealousy when observing another human being. We ascribe all kinds of positive attributes to a person because of how they carry themselves, how they look, or their accomplishments. We sigh to ourselves and think, “If only that could be me.” Comparison is the thief of joy, but taking a deeper look into what you’re really craving can tell you more about yourself. It may surprise you that your ideal self, a realistic version of them, is all too achievable.

Rappers, artists, influencers,and movie stars waltz in front of our screens, flamboyantly showing off their seemingly unobtainable level of perfection. They wear tailored suits, have perfect skin, they walk with a confidence that we peasants could never dream of achieving. In these moments, it’s important to take a step back and observe these thoughts and consider some of the faults in this thought process.

Firstly, so many of these celebrities are wearing piles of makeup, have personal trainers, get botox and filler, and are literally paid to be the image of perfection. Hollywood and social media are incredibly shallow, and looks don’t always equate a sense of self-worth. Secondly, it’s impossible to know the private struggles of any of these people. Some may be open about certain narratives that their PR team have approved, but everyone has secrets and insecurities of their own.

If we were to all agree to stop consuming media of all kinds, what values would you still hold dear? Would you still be obsessed with getting the perfect figure, the glass skin, or the designer goods? When no one is watching, who are you?

The fact is that we all have intrinsic worth as human beings, and it’s best to start there. The media has programmed us into thinking that the image is not just a means to an end, it’s the only goal. Influencers sell us skin care, celebrities wear pieces by designers, they promote films and do all of this with the intention of getting us to buy buy buy.

When all of that is stripped away, we are left with ourselves as is. Think for a moment about all that you’ve accomplished, all the hardships you’ve overcome, and all the things you love about yourself. You don’t have to be compared to anyone else, because no one else is you. You have a unique story and heart that has something to offer the world.

The self-discrepancy theory states that negative self image can arise when one believes there is a gap between our actual selves and our ideal/ought self. We think about all the things in our life that went wrong, and believe that if x, y, and z hadn’t happened, I ought to have been different. We watch others succeed and accomplish the things we want, and believe that our ideal self is so far away from where we are today.

Let’s offer a different approach to this.

Not all of us can be an NBA player, a movie star, or a best-selling author. That’s ok. We can still aim for the moon and land among the stars as they say. Instead of comparing yourself to others,

try designing your ideal self and taking small steps each day to become her. Treat yourself like a Heritage Listed building. Some things you won’t be able to change, and that’s ok. It’s all a part of your own unique charm. Conversely, you can take that Heritage building and deck it out just the way you want to make it your own little paradise.

Think about designing a character in the Sims or any role playing game. Working within certain parameters, you create a person you want to play. Accordingly, consider your achievable ideal self and how she acts, lives, and creates. Do you want to become a published author? Do you want to participate in a marathon? Do you want to travel and become a photographer?

Spare no detail! Perhaps you want to live a quieter life, and live more minimally. Easy! Or, maybe you wish to make more friends and widen your network. You could also want to be more confident and well-spoken.

Now that you’ve created your ideal self, let’s look back at your current self. What are some small steps you can take each day to achieve your goals? You can even create a Venn diagram where the two circles are your current self and your ideal self. The overlap would contain the steps you need to take to become your ideal.

Take things one step at a time. Keep it achievable. In the former example, it could be time to really put aside some time to employ the KonMari method and deep clean the house. Once the clutter is gone, vow to yourself not to accumulate more. And voila! You’ve gotten one step closer to your ideal self. Once this is achieved, you can manage your screen time. Turn on the screen time counter, and check it daily. Make new habits about how you spend those moments where you would usually check your phone. Keep a book next to your mobile and pick it up instead. Pretty soon, you’ve made real progress.

Be kind and patient to yourself. Be realistic. These things do not happen overnight. But with patience and consistency, you can look back months later and pat yourself on the back.

Most importantly, believe that this will happen. Talk to yourself and think with great positivity. You’re going to be the person you want to be, and you’re making it happen today.

Beyonce has Sasha Fierce. David Bowie had Ziggy Stardust. Stefani Germanotta has Lady Gaga. Celebrities use alter-egos to step into their power and perform as their ideal selves. Accordingly, anyone can create an ideal persona and work daily to become it. In a way, we use this technique in small ways in our daily lives. We change into our work clothes, put on makeup, and use our “customer service voice” at work.

Your ideal self is out there waiting. Don’t think too much about the long journey to get there. Instead, be gentle with yourself and make small, achievable goals. It is possible, with discipline, self-love, and positive thinking, to enact a transformation that is nothing short of miraculous.